The Unbearable Heaviness of Anxiety

Image courtesy of geralt, pixabay. Creative Commons licensed.

Tough times today. I have some major dental work scheduled this p.m. that is freaking me out. Dental work beyond a cleaning/x-rays is my biggest phobia. I have yet to find a dental practice that is as compassionate as the one I had in Massachusetts (God bless you, Dr. Poras), but until I find one, there's nitrous oxide and speaking up about things that bother me (like forbidding novocaine shot into my jaw joint rather than in the gums around the tooth, because jaw injections cause lingering pain that lasts for 8 weeks--NOPE, not dealing with that!).

The reasons for my anxiety lie in my youth, and are not important here. Suffice it to say that I need a lot of support today. I have a friend who volunteered to go with me to Lex, but I've decided to go alone and just have the gas. It worked for my recent root canal, which had me wild with agitation. And I know I alone am the best soother of me when things are rough. Call it an unexpected positive derived from learning to cope with a shitty, abusive childhood.

My serenity is seriously compromised today. I might go someplace afterwards for a snack/meal/drink because I'll be released around 5 PM and won't be able to deal with rush hour traffic in Lex. I'll need space. TG someone is home with my Kitty because she has not been well lately.

I generally take a shower before I go see any health provider. Not today. That's how wired up I am. Sorry, dudes. Hopefully I am not too stanky.

I know it will all be okay later, but for now--please drop a good thought or a prayer for me.

This is why I've never read the book/seen the movie "Marathon Man." Tortured in a dental chair? Oh, HELL, no. RL is bad enough.